Friday, October 1, 2010
You and I were living like a love song...
Actually no we were not. As of this writing, I am now single. It ended just at the other ones did, I got cheated on. Now I am holding back tears once again as my heart was ripped in half. I knew we had some problems but thats all part of being in a relationship. She wanted to party and live life, I wanted to live a happy healthy lifestyle. I think it all came down to the age difference. I think next time I am going to find someone closer to my age and this time I will not rush things
Saturday, September 25, 2010
What Happened?
During the past few months, I probably made over 100 decisions as to what to do with my life. At the start of summer, I was expecting to go back to Fort Smith for college. That changed for some reason. As the summer days went on, I chose to move to Grande Prairie Alberta. I looked at apartments and applied to a few. They declined my application as my credit isn't too high. By the time August came around, I decided to go home to Liard to visit. On August 15th, I left Hay River and 7 hrs later I was in Fort Liard. I had only hoped to be there for 2 weeks at most. 20 days later I ended up leaving Liard. The place where I am now is a place I had not imagined myself living, I am in Whitehorse Yukon. I have been here since September 6. I knew that it was going to be challenging to find a place as well as a job. Almost 3 weeks have passed and I still don't have my own place or a job. Its really getting to me all this not working. I sent in my application to numerous places, I even went to a job interview as well as a weekend of training. The only "job" I have at the moment is a facilitator at a youth group. Sometimes I feel as though I can't make it :( on top of that, I have to put up with the constant complaining and fighting with my other half. Everyday she gets mad at me for no reason at all. Every time she gets mad at me, she ends up crying or bringing up past BS in her life to blame herself. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO...I FEEL LIKE GIVING UP
Monday, September 6, 2010
Summer of 2010
As of June 1, 2010, my plans were to go to Fort Smith for the summer and work before starting College.
I was going to stay at my cousin Jennys place while I stayed there for the summer.
For the first 2 weeks of June, I had planned to catch a ride with someone from Fort Liard who would be attending the Dehcho Assembly in Hay River.
I had made plans to go with Jennys parents but they left 2 days before they had told me they left. I had to scramble to find a last minute ride.
My friend Trevor heard me talking to someone about the fun I had last year and he thought it would be a fun idea to attend this years assembly.
He asked his parents who were heading to High Level AB, to pick up a relative. On June 21,we left Fort Liard and arrived in Hay River at midnite.
For the week, Trevor and I attended the assembly and played handgames in the evenings. By Friday the 26th, we hitched a ride into town from the reserve.
We got a room for 1 night so we can figure out what to do. After meeting up with my girlfriend Marlena and deciding to stay for the weekend, we went out and had a few drinks.
On Saturday, we ran into Jenny who told me that they were going to head to Alberta for part of the summer at her boyfriends place. I was not all to happy with staying in Hay River for the summer.
Trevor was kinda homesick so I managed to find him a ride back to Liard. I told him not to worry about me as I was with Lena and thats all I cared about at the time. I had to sacrifice my plans in order to stay with her. I decided that it I should at least get a job so I am not completely broke for the summer. I applied for work at the Town of Hay River Recreation department.
During the interview, they told me that I was more than qualified for the summer student position. So for the next 8 weeks, I would work a 8-5 job and began a new chapter in my life in Hay River.
I had a great experience working with the 7 other summer students from Hay River for the summer. Even though they aren't the typical people that I normally hang out with.
I had to change my attitude and watch what I say around them. during the summer months, my boss told me that I was one of the best summer students he had ever hired and offered me a full time job.
I would have taken it if it weren't for the fact that Lena had quit her job and wanted to get outta HR ASAP! We started looking at apartments in Grande Prairie during our last 3 weeks there. We found a few great places but 1 required a $500 non refundable application fee. 2 others turned us down and 3 never responded to our applications. On the Saturday before my final week in Hay River, we run into my aunty who had told us that she was going to Liard early Sunday. We didn't even discuss it we just agreed to leave with her.
So now we are in Fort Liard deciding our next move. I know that this adventure that is my life is not even close to being over.
I was going to stay at my cousin Jennys place while I stayed there for the summer.
For the first 2 weeks of June, I had planned to catch a ride with someone from Fort Liard who would be attending the Dehcho Assembly in Hay River.
I had made plans to go with Jennys parents but they left 2 days before they had told me they left. I had to scramble to find a last minute ride.
My friend Trevor heard me talking to someone about the fun I had last year and he thought it would be a fun idea to attend this years assembly.
He asked his parents who were heading to High Level AB, to pick up a relative. On June 21,we left Fort Liard and arrived in Hay River at midnite.
For the week, Trevor and I attended the assembly and played handgames in the evenings. By Friday the 26th, we hitched a ride into town from the reserve.
We got a room for 1 night so we can figure out what to do. After meeting up with my girlfriend Marlena and deciding to stay for the weekend, we went out and had a few drinks.
On Saturday, we ran into Jenny who told me that they were going to head to Alberta for part of the summer at her boyfriends place. I was not all to happy with staying in Hay River for the summer.
Trevor was kinda homesick so I managed to find him a ride back to Liard. I told him not to worry about me as I was with Lena and thats all I cared about at the time. I had to sacrifice my plans in order to stay with her. I decided that it I should at least get a job so I am not completely broke for the summer. I applied for work at the Town of Hay River Recreation department.
During the interview, they told me that I was more than qualified for the summer student position. So for the next 8 weeks, I would work a 8-5 job and began a new chapter in my life in Hay River.
I had a great experience working with the 7 other summer students from Hay River for the summer. Even though they aren't the typical people that I normally hang out with.
I had to change my attitude and watch what I say around them. during the summer months, my boss told me that I was one of the best summer students he had ever hired and offered me a full time job.
I would have taken it if it weren't for the fact that Lena had quit her job and wanted to get outta HR ASAP! We started looking at apartments in Grande Prairie during our last 3 weeks there. We found a few great places but 1 required a $500 non refundable application fee. 2 others turned us down and 3 never responded to our applications. On the Saturday before my final week in Hay River, we run into my aunty who had told us that she was going to Liard early Sunday. We didn't even discuss it we just agreed to leave with her.
So now we are in Fort Liard deciding our next move. I know that this adventure that is my life is not even close to being over.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Reflections on turning 24
I had originally planned on writing this entry the day I turned 24 on June 9, but I just never got around to it.
Now that I am 24 years old, I have come to realize a few things...number one is I am starting to see the world through an adults perspective. I also realized that its time for me to finally get out of Fort Liard and gain life experience through trial and error. During my latest time in Fort Liard, I took the time to talk to a few of my friends that I had grown up with. One question that I asked them is "Do you plan on living in Liard all your life or are you going to move out?" 9 times out of 10 they say they want to but just can't find the right moment. The 1 out of 10 say that they are looking for a place in Fort Nelson. In my opinion, Fort Nelson is still in the Fort Liard area. When I was younger, I remember talking to kids about seeing the world and how cool it would be to be finally done school and out of mom and dads house.
Today, out of my childhood friends that are actually from Fort Liard are still living there. Either working at camp or living the Alcohol&drug-lifestyle. Its sad to see that people can drink for days at a time and still call it fun. Some of them know that they are stuck in the same place that they promised themselves they would not get into as a kid. I think that the problem isn't that they can't find it in themselves to get their shit together, they are afraid of failure. Afraid that they will not make it in the world outside of Fort Liard-Fort Nelson.
For me, the chance to leave Liard didn't just come as easy as I made it. I had to think for a long time of what I would like to do in life. The decision to leave Liard was not an easy one. I had to give up my job at the Recreation Department, as well as my family and friends. It is my philosophy that "You have to give up to go up". I gave up everything in Fort Liard in order for me to leave that place and live elsewhere in the world.
The day before I left Fort Liard for Hay River, someone asked me if I am afraid of failure and if I would be embarrassed to come back to Liard if I do fail. To answer this persons question, I quoted the late Randy Pausch "Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want." If I do fail, the experience that I gain from my failures will help me in the future so I can turn that failure into success.
When I left Liard and was on my way to a new life, I had no regrets about leaving. I know that its time for a new chapter in my life. I am now an adult and its time for me to have my own interesting stories as well as experience. I don't regret a single thing that I have done to get to where I am at in life.
For those that have known me for a long time know that when I was younger,even a few years ago, I would not be talking like this. I would just be talking about whats going on around me in my current life. When I was in college I told my instructor that everyone matures at a different pace. Well this is how I handle my maturity.
As I look forward to what the future holds for me, I know that I will be satisfied with the decisions I made in life when I'm 60 and reflecting on my life. I will say that I did it my way.
Now that I am 24 years old, I have come to realize a few things...number one is I am starting to see the world through an adults perspective. I also realized that its time for me to finally get out of Fort Liard and gain life experience through trial and error. During my latest time in Fort Liard, I took the time to talk to a few of my friends that I had grown up with. One question that I asked them is "Do you plan on living in Liard all your life or are you going to move out?" 9 times out of 10 they say they want to but just can't find the right moment. The 1 out of 10 say that they are looking for a place in Fort Nelson. In my opinion, Fort Nelson is still in the Fort Liard area. When I was younger, I remember talking to kids about seeing the world and how cool it would be to be finally done school and out of mom and dads house.
Today, out of my childhood friends that are actually from Fort Liard are still living there. Either working at camp or living the Alcohol&drug-lifestyle. Its sad to see that people can drink for days at a time and still call it fun. Some of them know that they are stuck in the same place that they promised themselves they would not get into as a kid. I think that the problem isn't that they can't find it in themselves to get their shit together, they are afraid of failure. Afraid that they will not make it in the world outside of Fort Liard-Fort Nelson.
For me, the chance to leave Liard didn't just come as easy as I made it. I had to think for a long time of what I would like to do in life. The decision to leave Liard was not an easy one. I had to give up my job at the Recreation Department, as well as my family and friends. It is my philosophy that "You have to give up to go up". I gave up everything in Fort Liard in order for me to leave that place and live elsewhere in the world.
The day before I left Fort Liard for Hay River, someone asked me if I am afraid of failure and if I would be embarrassed to come back to Liard if I do fail. To answer this persons question, I quoted the late Randy Pausch "Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want." If I do fail, the experience that I gain from my failures will help me in the future so I can turn that failure into success.
When I left Liard and was on my way to a new life, I had no regrets about leaving. I know that its time for a new chapter in my life. I am now an adult and its time for me to have my own interesting stories as well as experience. I don't regret a single thing that I have done to get to where I am at in life.
For those that have known me for a long time know that when I was younger,even a few years ago, I would not be talking like this. I would just be talking about whats going on around me in my current life. When I was in college I told my instructor that everyone matures at a different pace. Well this is how I handle my maturity.
As I look forward to what the future holds for me, I know that I will be satisfied with the decisions I made in life when I'm 60 and reflecting on my life. I will say that I did it my way.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Something on my mind
5 of my last 5 girlfriends have all cheated on me. Do I get a trophy or achievement or something? Its crazy how I as a guy can get cheated on. You figure that since I am a guy that I would be the one cheating..but no. I am a completely faithful guy. One day I will find the person thats right for me.
UPDATE :O
FINALLY....I posted a blog entry. I do not have internet at home anymore. For now I will be using friends computers to update. I plan to post more often. This one is a quick update. I am no longer working in the recreation field and I can no longer coach in the NWT due to circumstances. I plan on going back to Smith for College.
thats about it for now
thats about it for now
Friday, March 26, 2010
Robert Loe: is this the real me? you be the judge
I took an online test earlier and here is what they said about me. Those of you that really know me can probably tell if this is really how I am:
Self-Confidence
As someone with high self-confidence, you feel quite comfortable interacting with other people. Indeed, you find the company of others very stimulating and enjoy meeting new people. Your relaxed demeanor in groups makes people around you comfortable too. Perhaps because you feel comfortable talking about yourself, others tend to enjoy being around you and perceive you as socially competent.
The confidence that helps you feel comfortable talking to people also spills into your own personal beliefs about yourself. Although you have several strengths, it’s likely that you also acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. But unlike some people, you take full responsibility for your actions—you rarely regret things you’ve done in the past and are not embarrassed easily.
Perhaps the defining feature that sets you apart from most people is the exceptionally high standards that you set for yourself. Your competence in social gatherings as well as at work should provide ample evidence for this. With these characteristics, it’s very likely that people come to you for advice and generally think of you as someone with leader-like qualities.
Family Orientation
As someone who respects family values, you tend to enjoy the company of family-members and are open to living a domestic life. If you have children already, you enjoy spending time with them very much and work hard to be a good parent, but may occasionally wish to “cut-loose” and let your true colors show. If you don’t have children, you probably desire having a family sometime in the distant future. Although you occasionally enjoy cooking at home, you also like going to restaurants. This has the potential to create added stress as you transition into parenthood.
You are attracted to the idea of having a family and may be willing to work hard to achieve this, although not necessarily any time soon. This conflict is illustrated by the fact that you don’t mind doing things around the house—like cooking and entertaining guests—on the one hand. But, on the other hand, you also like going to restaurants and parties. It’s possible that in time you might prefer spending time at home more because you won’t feel like you’re missing anything when you don’t go out.
One aspect of yourself that makes you likely to become more family oriented is that you generally know how to manage your frustrations and work well on your own. This means that you have some of the basic ingredients to enjoy family life. Maintaining a tidy home, keeping a well-stocked kitchen, and making sure the kids are safe is a tough job. So attending to these things, while also taking care of yourself, may prove somewhat difficult for you.
Self-Control
The self-control personality dimension captures the way in which a person regulates and directs him or herself. Being low in self-control can be both good and bad. Occasionally people may be compelled to follow their intuitions and give in to their temptations, and your degree of self-control makes this likely to happen more often than not. This can be good in circumstances where being relaxed and open are important. However, in situations where it is necessary to be focused and careful, you might find that you do or say things that may be inappropriate.
As someone who exerts little control over your actions, you may find that you commit social blunders that might offend other people and get yourself in trouble. For example, if you’re given responsibility to work on a project that requires close attention to detail, you may be likely to overlook important details because you have difficulty staying focused. Consequently, you might feel more comfortable delegating such tasks to other people who are more detail oriented. Being able to recognize such characteristics in yourself and having more detail-oriented people do such tasks could be an effective way to manage your own stress level.
Low self-control may diminish your effectiveness at work. Acting too relaxed can make it difficult for you to focus on projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Thus, your ability to accomplish may be inconsistent. Indeed, it’s possible that you might be criticized periodically for being unreliable or unable to “stay within the lines.” Nonetheless, you may still experience many short-lived pleasures and never be thought of as boring.
Openness
As someone high in openness, you have a strong appreciation for beauty, both in art and nature. Indeed, it’s likely that you are easily absorbed in music and art, as well as natural phenomena. Another aspect of your openness is your emotional insight; that is, you probably have good access to and awareness of your own emotions.
Another aspect of the openness dimension is the tendency to think about abstract concepts and ideas. This thinking style may take the form of artistic and metaphorical use of language, and/or music composition or performance. Thus, it is likely that, either in your work or spare time, you enjoy activities that get your “creative juices” flowing.
Your tendency to be open-minded can have advantages and disadvantages. For instance, when there are no clear rules about how to approach a particular problem, your openness makes it easier for you to identify new ways to solve problems that might not be very obvious to people that are not as open as you are. In contrast, you may be bored easily in situations that lack high amounts of intellectual stimulation. In such cases, you might have difficulty excelling on projects that do not provide much stimulation or require much creative thinking.
Easygoingness
Easygoingness refers to one's ability to relax. Based on your score, you appear to “take things as they come” and enjoy having a good time. However, being high in easygoingness also has the potential to produce stress in a number of ways. For example, you may find it difficult to complete tasks thoroughly and efficiently. In this way, being high in easygoingness cannot only make your life difficult, but also the lives of the people around you. Another potential problem with being too high in easygoingness is that it can provide you with gratification in the short-term, but in the long-term provide undesirable consequences.
High easygoingness, even when not seriously destructive, may also diminish your effectiveness at work, for example. You may find it aversive and difficult to put in all the effort that may sometimes be needed to effectively accomplish certain tasks. For this reason, your colleagues might view you as forgetful and unfocused.
How does your personality affect your love life?
Given the strong degree of confidence that you have, it’s no surprise that you get along well with most people. Indeed, it’s self-confidence that allows people to feel comfortable interacting with others without feeling insecure and vulnerable. For this reason, you shouldn’t have much difficulty in romance, at least not initially. Your social skills will likely help relieve any anxiety your romantic partners might have on those first few dates. However, over time, the high standards that you have for yourself could potentially frustrate your partner.
Because you respect family values but appreciate a good night out on the town, you probably get along well with people that are different from you. For this reason, you would probably be quite content in a romantic relationship with someone who shares your same values on these issues. Being in a relationship with someone who enjoys going out to parties and staying-up late at night might be fun, at least initially; yet it’s likely that you will find this tiring over time. Thus, it might be easier and more satisfying for you to develop a long-lasting relationship with a person who enjoys both spending time at home and going out to eat.
As someone who is more relaxed than most people, you likely get along with most people quite well. Chances are that your friends and colleagues perceive you as lively, fun to be with, and good-humored. When it comes to romance, you’ll likely be attracted to most people. However, your free-spirited nature might make being in a relationship with a person that is more rigid than you difficult because you might perceive the person as being too uptight and controlling.
Your openness probably makes it easy for you to respect and appreciate people that are different from you. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, your openness might make it difficult for you to tolerate people that cannot appreciate diversity as much as you. Therefore, you may be happiest in serious relationships with people that share your open-mindedness. But, your openness might occasionally cause a certain degree of dependency on your end because you may be so open that you easily adopt the preferences and habits of your partners and gradually relinquish things that make you so unique.
Self-Confidence
As someone with high self-confidence, you feel quite comfortable interacting with other people. Indeed, you find the company of others very stimulating and enjoy meeting new people. Your relaxed demeanor in groups makes people around you comfortable too. Perhaps because you feel comfortable talking about yourself, others tend to enjoy being around you and perceive you as socially competent.
The confidence that helps you feel comfortable talking to people also spills into your own personal beliefs about yourself. Although you have several strengths, it’s likely that you also acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. But unlike some people, you take full responsibility for your actions—you rarely regret things you’ve done in the past and are not embarrassed easily.
Perhaps the defining feature that sets you apart from most people is the exceptionally high standards that you set for yourself. Your competence in social gatherings as well as at work should provide ample evidence for this. With these characteristics, it’s very likely that people come to you for advice and generally think of you as someone with leader-like qualities.
Family Orientation
As someone who respects family values, you tend to enjoy the company of family-members and are open to living a domestic life. If you have children already, you enjoy spending time with them very much and work hard to be a good parent, but may occasionally wish to “cut-loose” and let your true colors show. If you don’t have children, you probably desire having a family sometime in the distant future. Although you occasionally enjoy cooking at home, you also like going to restaurants. This has the potential to create added stress as you transition into parenthood.
You are attracted to the idea of having a family and may be willing to work hard to achieve this, although not necessarily any time soon. This conflict is illustrated by the fact that you don’t mind doing things around the house—like cooking and entertaining guests—on the one hand. But, on the other hand, you also like going to restaurants and parties. It’s possible that in time you might prefer spending time at home more because you won’t feel like you’re missing anything when you don’t go out.
One aspect of yourself that makes you likely to become more family oriented is that you generally know how to manage your frustrations and work well on your own. This means that you have some of the basic ingredients to enjoy family life. Maintaining a tidy home, keeping a well-stocked kitchen, and making sure the kids are safe is a tough job. So attending to these things, while also taking care of yourself, may prove somewhat difficult for you.
Self-Control
The self-control personality dimension captures the way in which a person regulates and directs him or herself. Being low in self-control can be both good and bad. Occasionally people may be compelled to follow their intuitions and give in to their temptations, and your degree of self-control makes this likely to happen more often than not. This can be good in circumstances where being relaxed and open are important. However, in situations where it is necessary to be focused and careful, you might find that you do or say things that may be inappropriate.
As someone who exerts little control over your actions, you may find that you commit social blunders that might offend other people and get yourself in trouble. For example, if you’re given responsibility to work on a project that requires close attention to detail, you may be likely to overlook important details because you have difficulty staying focused. Consequently, you might feel more comfortable delegating such tasks to other people who are more detail oriented. Being able to recognize such characteristics in yourself and having more detail-oriented people do such tasks could be an effective way to manage your own stress level.
Low self-control may diminish your effectiveness at work. Acting too relaxed can make it difficult for you to focus on projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Thus, your ability to accomplish may be inconsistent. Indeed, it’s possible that you might be criticized periodically for being unreliable or unable to “stay within the lines.” Nonetheless, you may still experience many short-lived pleasures and never be thought of as boring.
Openness
As someone high in openness, you have a strong appreciation for beauty, both in art and nature. Indeed, it’s likely that you are easily absorbed in music and art, as well as natural phenomena. Another aspect of your openness is your emotional insight; that is, you probably have good access to and awareness of your own emotions.
Another aspect of the openness dimension is the tendency to think about abstract concepts and ideas. This thinking style may take the form of artistic and metaphorical use of language, and/or music composition or performance. Thus, it is likely that, either in your work or spare time, you enjoy activities that get your “creative juices” flowing.
Your tendency to be open-minded can have advantages and disadvantages. For instance, when there are no clear rules about how to approach a particular problem, your openness makes it easier for you to identify new ways to solve problems that might not be very obvious to people that are not as open as you are. In contrast, you may be bored easily in situations that lack high amounts of intellectual stimulation. In such cases, you might have difficulty excelling on projects that do not provide much stimulation or require much creative thinking.
Easygoingness
Easygoingness refers to one's ability to relax. Based on your score, you appear to “take things as they come” and enjoy having a good time. However, being high in easygoingness also has the potential to produce stress in a number of ways. For example, you may find it difficult to complete tasks thoroughly and efficiently. In this way, being high in easygoingness cannot only make your life difficult, but also the lives of the people around you. Another potential problem with being too high in easygoingness is that it can provide you with gratification in the short-term, but in the long-term provide undesirable consequences.
High easygoingness, even when not seriously destructive, may also diminish your effectiveness at work, for example. You may find it aversive and difficult to put in all the effort that may sometimes be needed to effectively accomplish certain tasks. For this reason, your colleagues might view you as forgetful and unfocused.
How does your personality affect your love life?
Given the strong degree of confidence that you have, it’s no surprise that you get along well with most people. Indeed, it’s self-confidence that allows people to feel comfortable interacting with others without feeling insecure and vulnerable. For this reason, you shouldn’t have much difficulty in romance, at least not initially. Your social skills will likely help relieve any anxiety your romantic partners might have on those first few dates. However, over time, the high standards that you have for yourself could potentially frustrate your partner.
Because you respect family values but appreciate a good night out on the town, you probably get along well with people that are different from you. For this reason, you would probably be quite content in a romantic relationship with someone who shares your same values on these issues. Being in a relationship with someone who enjoys going out to parties and staying-up late at night might be fun, at least initially; yet it’s likely that you will find this tiring over time. Thus, it might be easier and more satisfying for you to develop a long-lasting relationship with a person who enjoys both spending time at home and going out to eat.
As someone who is more relaxed than most people, you likely get along with most people quite well. Chances are that your friends and colleagues perceive you as lively, fun to be with, and good-humored. When it comes to romance, you’ll likely be attracted to most people. However, your free-spirited nature might make being in a relationship with a person that is more rigid than you difficult because you might perceive the person as being too uptight and controlling.
Your openness probably makes it easy for you to respect and appreciate people that are different from you. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, your openness might make it difficult for you to tolerate people that cannot appreciate diversity as much as you. Therefore, you may be happiest in serious relationships with people that share your open-mindedness. But, your openness might occasionally cause a certain degree of dependency on your end because you may be so open that you easily adopt the preferences and habits of your partners and gradually relinquish things that make you so unique.
Monday, January 25, 2010
FTL the place where they call it hell
What can I say its FTL!
That is what Prospek states in his song. I want to let you know what really happens in Fort Liard.
First of all, forget what you hear or read about it. There is more than meets the eye in FTL. I will explain some of the things that happens behind closed doors as well as what happens after the sun goes down(after 10PM in the summer). To really understand you have to see it for yourself.
There are 2 sides really in Liard. There are natives and non-natives. I am not going to talk about what happens on the non-native side of FTL...yet
There are roughly 600 people living in Fort Liard and there are an estimated 400 of them which are native. About 90% of them do drugs and/or drink Alcohol. On any given day of the week, if you go around Liard, you WILL run into someone that is intoxicated or under the influence. Even the kids are into the drinking and drug lifestyle. I know and have seen kids I knew as babies getting into drinking and drugs. Last week I found out that a 9 year old boy was getting drunk.
When people in Liard drink, they drink the whole bottle. They want to party and have a good time. A lot of the time, things get outta hand and fights break out. The girls fight as often as the guys do here.
One thing that I notice about people drinking, is that one of my close friends that drinks with becomes an asshole. He will act like hes my friend but as soon as he gets drunk, he bitches non-stop about his life and problems. Then he will take his anger out on me any way he can. If he is drinking at my house, he expects me to feed him and when I say no, he will say the same thing over and over again. And he always wants something of mine before he leaves home. I normally don't fight but if he tries that again I will seriously hurt him.
Moving on, the job situation in Liard is not the greatest. But people go work at camps on the highway to make a quick $2000 for 2 weeks of work. It is hard to get a job in town because of the BS politics with the Band and Hamlet. The current Band Manager does not like certain people in Liard just because their sons got beat up all the time when they were kids. I know because more often than not, I was the one doing it. The SAO at the Hamlet is no different. Many times people have applied for jobs,houses, etc. get turned down because they are not liked. I applied for a house and my job back as the Recreation Programmer but I was turned down because “I didn't have 10 kids.” One of my friends have applied for different jobs and been turned down despite being the most qualified for the position.
There is a lack of community support for local sports teams as well. I played soccer from 1999 to 2005 and coached from 2007 to now, and I have seen the community support numbers drop. In 2008 when The 18-under soccer won a banner, everyone in Liard came out to show their support. By the next tournament in May, the support was no longer there. This year I decided to coach soccer for one more year. I knew that my back was against the wall and I would face many challenges. When I was working at the school, I had no problem coaching soccer and when I took a break for the holidays and started practice again, The principal had changed his mind. He set up a meeting and told me not to continue coaching on school time. He also said that there is to be no fundraising from now on at the school. I had sent letters to some agencies around town requesting funding assistance and so far I have not heard a response. I know that the band manager just threw my letter into the garbage.
Sometimes I just want to quit and leave FTL and never return. But there is something that I realized..the people here NEED me. I don't think Liard will function at all without me.
I am currently at home sick and I let my team know that I won't be at soccer. Within 10 minutes I get 12 calls from people asking me if there is soccer and that they can not organize themselves without me. 3 of the ones who called said that they are not going to soccer. 5 just hung up on me after swearing at me. On Facebook chat, the rest of the youth in Liard msg me and ask about soccer. It looks like no one will go to the gym because I am not there to hold their hands.
I decideed that I am going to leave this Place by the falltime and never return.
That is what Prospek states in his song. I want to let you know what really happens in Fort Liard.
First of all, forget what you hear or read about it. There is more than meets the eye in FTL. I will explain some of the things that happens behind closed doors as well as what happens after the sun goes down(after 10PM in the summer). To really understand you have to see it for yourself.
There are 2 sides really in Liard. There are natives and non-natives. I am not going to talk about what happens on the non-native side of FTL...yet
There are roughly 600 people living in Fort Liard and there are an estimated 400 of them which are native. About 90% of them do drugs and/or drink Alcohol. On any given day of the week, if you go around Liard, you WILL run into someone that is intoxicated or under the influence. Even the kids are into the drinking and drug lifestyle. I know and have seen kids I knew as babies getting into drinking and drugs. Last week I found out that a 9 year old boy was getting drunk.
When people in Liard drink, they drink the whole bottle. They want to party and have a good time. A lot of the time, things get outta hand and fights break out. The girls fight as often as the guys do here.
One thing that I notice about people drinking, is that one of my close friends that drinks with becomes an asshole. He will act like hes my friend but as soon as he gets drunk, he bitches non-stop about his life and problems. Then he will take his anger out on me any way he can. If he is drinking at my house, he expects me to feed him and when I say no, he will say the same thing over and over again. And he always wants something of mine before he leaves home. I normally don't fight but if he tries that again I will seriously hurt him.
Moving on, the job situation in Liard is not the greatest. But people go work at camps on the highway to make a quick $2000 for 2 weeks of work. It is hard to get a job in town because of the BS politics with the Band and Hamlet. The current Band Manager does not like certain people in Liard just because their sons got beat up all the time when they were kids. I know because more often than not, I was the one doing it. The SAO at the Hamlet is no different. Many times people have applied for jobs,houses, etc. get turned down because they are not liked. I applied for a house and my job back as the Recreation Programmer but I was turned down because “I didn't have 10 kids.” One of my friends have applied for different jobs and been turned down despite being the most qualified for the position.
There is a lack of community support for local sports teams as well. I played soccer from 1999 to 2005 and coached from 2007 to now, and I have seen the community support numbers drop. In 2008 when The 18-under soccer won a banner, everyone in Liard came out to show their support. By the next tournament in May, the support was no longer there. This year I decided to coach soccer for one more year. I knew that my back was against the wall and I would face many challenges. When I was working at the school, I had no problem coaching soccer and when I took a break for the holidays and started practice again, The principal had changed his mind. He set up a meeting and told me not to continue coaching on school time. He also said that there is to be no fundraising from now on at the school. I had sent letters to some agencies around town requesting funding assistance and so far I have not heard a response. I know that the band manager just threw my letter into the garbage.
Sometimes I just want to quit and leave FTL and never return. But there is something that I realized..the people here NEED me. I don't think Liard will function at all without me.
I am currently at home sick and I let my team know that I won't be at soccer. Within 10 minutes I get 12 calls from people asking me if there is soccer and that they can not organize themselves without me. 3 of the ones who called said that they are not going to soccer. 5 just hung up on me after swearing at me. On Facebook chat, the rest of the youth in Liard msg me and ask about soccer. It looks like no one will go to the gym because I am not there to hold their hands.
I decideed that I am going to leave this Place by the falltime and never return.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Me against the world
It is 4:11am and I am wide awake.
I slept earlier from 11pm to 3am. Now at 4, I still can't go back to bed. I am not tired at all. I could try and go back to sleep but I think its a waste of time. I have been staying up late since 2006.
Every night I stay up and think about stuff. What ever is on my mind will be what I think about. For the first few weeks of 2006, I just thought I was homesick as I was in Inuvik NT for college. I then summed up being homesick as, "Missing home because you have nothing to do where you are currently." In Inuvik I had a few friends and I was playing soccer 3 times a week. The College even gave me the keys to open the gym for soccer.
As time passed by, I keep finding myself laying in my bed at 2am wide awake. I always have a lot on my mind. Sometimes I just let my mind wonder and many thoughts go through my mind at night. During the day, I am not tired at all. It seems as I get a full nights sleep. Sometimes in the morning I will think about what I was thinking about the night before. By noon time, I am not thinking about what was bothering me the night before, I just focus on the day. In the evening, I try to relax and not think about anything. But around 12:30 is when I realize that I am thinking again. I can't seem to stop thinking at night. There is just too much that is on my mind.
All through 2007 and 2008, while in college, I had a plan to be in bed by midnight and I even had a routine. It worked for about 1 month then I found myself laying in my bed staring at the ceiling in the dark. In the fall of 2008, I found out something that helps me go to sleep earlier:music.
I don't mean any kind of music, it has to be slow and relaxing. Since I have over 1000 songs stored on my portable hard drive, I select about 25 or so songs and create a playlist and play it on repeat and it helps me to sleep. One song I listen to a lot and helps me sleep most of the time is (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGzgMy8cQsQ)
Now that I am done school and am currently not working, I find myself staying up as late as 4am. Every time I stay up so late, I always wake up at 1PM.
I have no closing for this entry...
I slept earlier from 11pm to 3am. Now at 4, I still can't go back to bed. I am not tired at all. I could try and go back to sleep but I think its a waste of time. I have been staying up late since 2006.
Every night I stay up and think about stuff. What ever is on my mind will be what I think about. For the first few weeks of 2006, I just thought I was homesick as I was in Inuvik NT for college. I then summed up being homesick as, "Missing home because you have nothing to do where you are currently." In Inuvik I had a few friends and I was playing soccer 3 times a week. The College even gave me the keys to open the gym for soccer.
As time passed by, I keep finding myself laying in my bed at 2am wide awake. I always have a lot on my mind. Sometimes I just let my mind wonder and many thoughts go through my mind at night. During the day, I am not tired at all. It seems as I get a full nights sleep. Sometimes in the morning I will think about what I was thinking about the night before. By noon time, I am not thinking about what was bothering me the night before, I just focus on the day. In the evening, I try to relax and not think about anything. But around 12:30 is when I realize that I am thinking again. I can't seem to stop thinking at night. There is just too much that is on my mind.
All through 2007 and 2008, while in college, I had a plan to be in bed by midnight and I even had a routine. It worked for about 1 month then I found myself laying in my bed staring at the ceiling in the dark. In the fall of 2008, I found out something that helps me go to sleep earlier:music.
I don't mean any kind of music, it has to be slow and relaxing. Since I have over 1000 songs stored on my portable hard drive, I select about 25 or so songs and create a playlist and play it on repeat and it helps me to sleep. One song I listen to a lot and helps me sleep most of the time is (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGzgMy8cQsQ)
Now that I am done school and am currently not working, I find myself staying up as late as 4am. Every time I stay up so late, I always wake up at 1PM.
I have no closing for this entry...
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